I had a panic attack during last week’s YOGA FOR ANXIETY CLASS

I get the irony yes.

It's silly really: Within the first two minutes of the start of class the speaker started making a scratching sound. It would start and stop every few seconds. I was delivering my beginning meditation, which is meant to center the group, but the noise had instead transformed me from “relaxed teacher” to “worried owner”. I abruptly ended my meditation after the 4th scratch, got up and restarted the system. Thankfully that fixed it. But there were some other minor distractions throughout which threw me off, and I couldn’t help the storm of thoughts that started in my mind:

“Are they still going to like me?
Did I mess up their class?
Did I ruin their experience?
I knew it… I’m a failure. Why did I even try?”

I could feel my heart rate start to rise and the fire start to come into my face, neck and chest.
My thoughts were rapid.
There was a sinking feeling of dread in my tummy.
My chest collapsed, and my head hung with the weight of the shame.

Luckily my yoga practice is solid. I don’t teach this special class as something I learned from someone else and I am regurgitating what they said back.  I don't believe that there are certain poses that are “poses that will cure anxiety”, and while this is based on science and reserach - it's not a practice taught to me from anyone else. I am teaching what I use to help myself. So, this sudden panic put me in the hot seat. Could I use what I am teaching others to calm myself down? Damn straight I could.

First I had to flip my script:

“Stop. This is panic. It’s ok. You just care.
Feel your breath.
Slow it down.
Remember that anxiety is your superpower.
You have done this before – you can turn this around.
This is not a failed class; this is an opportunity to show them that this practice works for you and can for them too.”

I then brought the group along with me on the ride of easing my in-class panic attack with breathing tools, some gentle movement and a final meditation. They got to watch as their frazzled, suddenly-high-pitched-voiced yoga teacher transformed back into the calm person who had originally greeted them at the start of class.

Practicing yoga doesn’t mean that you are always calm. 
Being a yogi doesn’t mean that stressful things won’t happen or that you will never have back-pain… but that’s another discussion.

It's not like I am free of the voices in my head, voices from my past, trying to bring me down and keep me small, anxious, traumatized and a victim. They are there. I just know that they don't know have to be my truth and I use yoga to help me ride the waves back to the calm shore.

Yoga is a “practice” for life.

There are tools within the yoga practice then when used with intention can help to ease panic attacks, flip your nervous system from fight or flight back to our normal, relaxed state, and can even help us to heal from past trauma. Just like a fire-drill at school – it doesn’t mean that there will never be a fire. Practice is just that - a dress rehearsal for the possibility. The breathing and poses we do Yoga for Anxiety are helpful to those of you who are in panic or anxiety now – as was the case for me on Friday night - but also for those of you who need a toolbox of just-in-case strategies for getting through stressful times.

I am happy to report that I was back to my normal self by the end of class.

Thanks for reading. Send me a line back if any of this resonated with you. I will see some of you tonight.